Creating Your Own Reality..................Read more ------>
There’s something really important that you need to know.
Reality is not fact but simply a matter of perspective
Have I lost you? How can REALity not be REAL?
The thing is, it all depends on where you stand, as to what you see.
Lets use an example to demonstrate what I mean.
There is a tree which stands on a shared piece grass between our house and our neighbour’s. The tree is centred on this bit of grass and therefore we both own the tree. I happen to love trees and enjoy watching the seasonal changes which occur as the year goes by. When I am sitting in my living room, this particular tree is in my direct line of sight.
My neighbour also loves trees and believes in letting nature take its course. Needless to say the tree is getting bigger by the year.
Right, so this is where I get to the point I want to make.
My partner adores nature but he hates this tree. He feels it is too big and when the spring comes and the sap is running, this tree drips a lot of sap onto his car which is of course parked on our driveway.
His reality is that the tree is a menace and should be kept small or preferably removed altogether. He truly believes that its wrong to have such a big tree where it is and that the neighbour should let him cut it down. He complains constantly and wishes the tree would die.
My neighbours have a completely different reality.
They planted the tree when they first moved to their house many years ago (long before we moved in). They have tended this tree and it has ‘grown up’ alongside their son. To them, the tree is special and they are very upset by the idea that it needs to be trimmed or pruned.
The fact is, there is a tree in the garden.
But the ‘reality’ of how each of us sees the tree is completely a matter of perspective
Is the tree a liability or an asset? Does it make life better or worse?
It completely depends on who you are. It depends on which side of the grass you are standing on.
There are two sides to every story and the truth usually lies somewhere in the middle. – Paul J Alessi
Whilst your brain has a need to categorise people and events based on what it already knows in order to make sense of the world, you do not need to let your brain rule you.
Just because your mind tells you something is real, doesn’t make it so.
And just because you believe something doesn’t make it true.
Your reality is simply a reflection of how you see the world.
Things are not as they seem – Irish Proverb
When we go through the world and interact with others, we define things and people by what we consider to be ‘normal’. Your upbringing, your culture, your gender and your generation create differences between you and others.
One of the best examples of this is maturity.
Every single generation throughout our known history has been heard to make similar comments as they mature.
“In my day, I would never have dared to speak to my parents like that.”
“The world has gone mad and is on the brink of destruction.”
“Young people today …”
Are the young people ‘worse’ than we were when we were their age? Is the world truly mad and set on a course of destruction?
Or is it just that we were raised in a world that looked different from the one we find ourselves in today. Is it that our shade of ‘normal’ is simply different from our children’s understanding of ‘normal’.
The way you see the world is unique to you. Nobody else in the whole world sees things exactly the way you do.
Your perspective is shaped by so many variables that it is impossible for two people to agree on absolutely everything. No two people ever experience the same reality no matter how close their shared experiences.
The wonderful thing about reality is that it can shift from moment to moment
And even better is that you don’t have to wait for something around you to shift.
You have the power to choose your own reality
Take a deep breath. Step back from your emotions and look again.
In the blink of an eye things can change and what you thought was reality becomes a mirage.
When you shift your perspective, everything you see shifts with you.
You will always see what you expect to see.
Change your expectations. Ask more questions.
Use your power to choose your reality and discover a new world …
Finding Love Again..................Read more ------>
Everyone wants to find their special someone, right?
Someone to share your life, who will be with you through thick and thin, who will love you even when you’re not very lovable and who will truly understand you.
But if you found that with someone only to lose them and the future you planned together, what do you do now?
There are plenty of ‘fish in the sea’ but how do you find your perfect catch?
Perhaps you’ve cast your net far and wide only to throw them all back.
Or maybe you’ve yet to dip your toe in the water for fear you might get bitten again.
Finding love again is NOT the same as finding it the first time round …
When we find our ‘perfect match’ the first time around, everything seems to fall into place really easily. There is love all around, you grow together and adapt to each others unique habits and needs. You each take on roles in the relationship that work for the two of you and there are unspoken understandings that develop. These understandings become a part of how you relate to each other.
But these understandings also become a part of you. They set up expectations about what a relationship looks like, how it works and how people behave when they love you. This becomes your new understanding of ‘normal’.
This sets up two distinct scenarios when you look for love again:
You keep choosing the same type of person only to get hurt over and over again
You meet good people but for some reason they just don’t light your fire
Deep in your subconscious mind, there is a set of understandings, expectations and beliefs formed from your previous relationship that set up a pattern of recognition. Despite your desire to find someone who is different from your ex, there is a deeper part of you that is looking for the comfort of the familiar.
And it’s this deeper part of yourself that does the choosing!
Sounds scary huh?
It can be, but now that you know what’s going on, you have the perfect opportunity to free yourself from previous relationships and reset your mind by reconnecting with who you are.
Rediscover Your Passions
What did you used to love to do? Once upon a time there was something that made you smile, something that filled your soul and something that brought you peace. When was the last time you made the time to indulge your passion?
Ask Yourself What’s Important
When we have been with someone a long time we tend to take on many of their ideas, their thoughts and their points of view as our own. Or if not our own, as somehow acceptable or ‘normal’. But what is true for you? What is important to you? What really matters to you?
Write Your Dreams
How would you really like to live? Where would you like to go? What would you want to do? We all have responsibilities but if you could do anything, go anywhere … what would your life look like? The answers to these questions tell you a lot about yourself and who you are at the deepest level.
Take yourself to the store and play ‘dress up’. Pick clothing you wouldn’t usually choose and try it on. Put on a hat, choose the biggest chunkiest jewellery, the loudest colours … see how you feel when you step outside of your usual choices. You don’t need to buy anything, just have fun! Take some selfies to capture the moment.
Go Somewhere New
Part of rediscovering yourself is stepping outside your comfort zone. You don’t have to terrify yourself but going somewhere new gives you an opportunity to see yourself in a new situation. How do you feel?
Reconnecting with yourself allows you to see yourself with new eyes. As you rediscover the person you are, you will automatically move away from old ideas which may not be your own. Each step you take brings you closer to yourself.
To find love again you must know who is coming to the relationship. You must know yourself.
Then you can meet your perfect match and find love again …
Growing up with fairy tales, stories of heroes and mystical adventures, we are exposed to ideas that seem to bear little resemblance to the often mundane and responsibility filled experience of adulthood. The little girl who believed she would grow up and meet her handsome prince is somewhat demoralised when she discovers that in fact no-one is coming to rescue her. And the young boy who flew around his living room wearing his superhero cape soon discovers that the tools he needs in life are very different than those in the stories of his youth.
And today as we live in a world dominated by celebrities who seem to have it all we often think;
“Lucky them. If only I had their money, or their opportunities … then I would be happy. It’s okay for them but no-one is going to make that happen for me.”
Well that last statement is certainly true.
Nobody is going to come along and magically make your dreams come true.
But despite how it looks, that is not what happened for them either.
In order to make your ‘dreams come true’ you must first get clear about what they are. Most of us have an idle wish that passes through our mind from time to time. Things like:
“I wish I had a big house like that one” or “I wish I didn’t have to work for someone” or “I wish I could just go to the beach today”.
And most of us believe that these wishes, desires or ‘dreams’ could be solved by having more money. So we buy a lottery ticket and sit determinedly in front of the television hoping agains hope that tonight will be our night. This week my numbers will come up.
But what if you had a different view?
What if instead of waiting and wishing you got really clear about your dreams?
What if you turned your dreams into goals?
Not for one moment am I suggesting that you can go against the laws of the universe and suddenly start to fly but there are dreams we hold within our hearts that are achievable.
“If someone else can do it … why not you?”
I remember reading about Thomas Edison when he was working to create what we now call the light bulb. We never give a thought to this as we push a little switch which illuminates our world. But Mr Edison tried and failed 1000 times before he finally created this previously unknown little glow. And all around him were people saying that he was dreaming. That what he believed in was impossible. And it was to them. It was only through his absolute devotion to his belief that it could be done, and his determination to follow through no matter what, that we now have not only the light bulb but all the technology that the ‘impossibility’ of the light bulb has enabled us to see.
You may not wish to change the world like Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein or Leonardo Di Vinci but what about making changes in your world?
What is it that you truly want? If you just have a passing fancy about something then that is all it will be. A wish, a fantasy and as real as a fairy tale. But if you have a passion for something and believe in it, then you have the power to bring it to life.
Visualise Your Life
One of the most important components to having your dreams come true is the ability to believe it. In order to believe in it, you must make it real for you. Close your eyes and imagine that your dream is reality. What does it look like? What does it taste like? What does it sound like? What does it smell like? What does it feel like? Use all your five senses to bring your mind’s creation to life. What are you wearing whilst you are living your dream? Where do you live? What surrounds you? It is difficult to believe in an ideal but if you visualise yourself already living the life of your dreams, and bring this vision to life every day, then it will start to become real to you. Your brain cannot tell the difference between something ‘real’ and a dream unless you doubt its existence. And your wonderful brain only does as its told so if you bring your dream to life in your mind to such an extent that you can feel it in every cell in your body, then your brain will help you make it true.
Feel The Fear
Fear of failure keeps so many people from their dreams. Holding on to dreams gives us hope for the future but if we fail, we must give up on that dream. Sometimes the power of a dream is so strong that without it, we lose some of our sense of identity. If your sense of self is tied up with something ‘out there’ that you say you will achieve one day, but you do nothing about it, then you are likely to spend an enormous amount of time and effort making excuses or blaming outside influences for the failure of your dreams.
There are two types of fear. Paralysing fear and exhilarating fear. We see people jumping out of planes, paddling through rapids and throwing themselves off bridges with nothing but a rope attached to their ankles. These people are afraid but they use the fear to motivate them. Other people allow the fear to paralyse them. We all have a different level of comfort when it comes to taking a risk but you can work with your own and expand it by taking action steps which fall very close to your current comfort level. In time as you discover that in fact there is nothing to fear, you will begin to push the boundaries of what is possible for you.
Clarify Your Dream
You cannot create something new until you know what it is you want. So whether your dream is to become a successful musician, to run you own business or to become fit and healthy you need to be clear about how that looks. Sometimes when we ask ourselves the right questions, we discover that we are so focused on the way our life will look if our dream was true that we can’t actually see our path to get there. The gap between where you are and where you want to be is so big that it feel insurmountable.
What does being fit and healthy mean to you? Is it feeling better in yourself so that you can have a greater quality of life? Do you want to look like the models in magazines? Or do you want to look the way you did 10 years ago?
If you want to be a ‘successful’ musician, what does that success look like? Do you need to be famous and rich or is making a living singing in clubs successful?
When you get clear about the measure you are using for your dream, you can alter your parameters thereby allowing you to see it as a possibility rather than an impossibility.
Create Mini Dreams
A dream is not an easily achievable ideal otherwise you would have it already. The reason you have not achieved it yet is that it feels too big. Breaking your dream down into ‘mini-dreams’ brings it closer to you, allowing you to take action.
Your dream to be fit and healthy may involve a smaller dream of being able to go to a high street store and purchase a new dress off the rack in your size. Or it may involve being able to walk for 30 minutes without stopping.
Your dream of becoming a successful musician may start with the dream of securing a one off unpaid gig in your local pub or restaurant. It may even involve busking on the streets at the weekend and getting paid a few dollars over the course of each day.
To run your own business you may first need to get one client to fit in around your full time job or sell one product online.
When you achieve your mini-dreams the bigger picture doesn’t seem quite so far away.
Your dreams will be nothing more than a wish unless you take action toward them. Even if the action you take each day seems tiny, the fact that you are doing something will move your dreams ever closer. Keep a watch out for opportunities which exist around you that you may not have previously seen. It is only when we make something real that we can see possible ways to bring it to life.
In short, the things you are passionate about are coming from your true nature. Not the person the world wants you to be, or the person you thought you were supposed to be, but the person you truly desire to be. Some people say its your calling, your souls expression or your creative spirit shining through. Whatever definition you put around it, know that there is something in you that yearns for more than your current reality. Its up to you to clarify what that is, whether its something you actually want or just a passing whim and whether you are prepared to do what it takes to bring it to life.
Dreams really can come true.
If other people can make their dreams come true … why can’t you?